Dr. Clove is here to answer that question.

This response today is written with anger and pain.

Whether it is a public kindergarten costing $2,000 a month or a private kindergarten costing $5,000 a month, they have been involved in the whirlpool of child abuse one after another.

Second and third tier cities aside, even Beijing and Shanghai have exploded with child abuse scandals. Feeding mustard, drinking sterilized water, beating, sticking needles, feeding drugs ...... These demons break through the bottom line of our cognition again and again.

Kindness really does limit our imagination.

We shiver with anger at the thought of these demons who lay their poisonous hands on young children, and we want to tear them apart.

But sadly, scumbags don't put labels on their faces and we can't leave our kids for a moment.

We are the people in this world that our children trust and are closest to. In order to protect them, we must do everything we can.

Everyone understands the reasoning, but this kind of protection is really more than just talk.

1.Observe your child and do it every day

Lilac Mama has an author who specializes in education and is also a mom who says, "From the first day of kindergarten, I checked my kids from head to toe every day after I washed them."

Ears, arms, back, genitals ......

There are no bruises, no redness, no broken skin, and communicate with your child while you observe.

Once after picking up her daughter at home, she found that her daughter had wet her pants, and surprisingly, the teacher didn't help her change.

"Even though the kid didn't say it was hard, and that's not abuse, it still hurts when I find out but it's still heartbreaking."

The next day, she went to the gardener specifically to communicate. The gardener was very enthusiastic and investigated the matter that day and made a special call to her in the evening to explain.

The teacher really didn't notice because the child wasn't acting out of the ordinary, and the teacher apologized to her over the phone.

She said, "That teacher probably didn't really mean it, but after that incident, the teacher would take the initiative to talk to me about anything else that happened to my child in kindergarten, probably because she also took into account the fact that I am a very serious parent."

In even the best kindergartens, it's hard to guarantee that the teachers will take care of all the children. Not to be skeptical of kindergartens, but you really can't be too careful about observing your child on a daily basis.

2.Communicate with your child without being boring

Many articles will tell us that we must communicate more with our children in order to understand their situation.

Yes, the reasoning is clear to everyone.

However, some parents may find that their children are too young and limited in their ability to express themselves and are not quite able to answer their questions.

Children will only answer "yes" or "no" to complicated questions, and when they get impatient, they will most likely say "I don't remember" or "I don't know".

This is a good time for parents to try a role reversal game.

One of the editors at Lilac Mama spoke of her experience:

I would play the children and have her play the teacher, acting out what the teacher was doing and saying to the children every day, including how the teacher changed their clothes and wiped their bottoms, and guiding the child to act it out during the game.

Although these methods do not give a full picture of the kindergarten situation, they are enough to give parents a good idea of what to expect.

In conclusion.Please give your child more patience and take your time to guide them.

Other parents may find that their children don't always want to talk.

There is a question on Zhihuosi that asks 'why children who are abused in kindergarten don't want to tell their parents when they go home', and an anonymous user writes about his own experience as a child.

When he was little he was punished by his kindergarten teacher and before school the next day he cried and said he didn't want to go.

Instead of asking him why, his mom pushed him twice and told him that he was disobedient and 'net giving trouble'.

After that, he stopped talking to his family about whatever was going on at school.

If your child suddenly does not want to go to kindergarten, there are many possible reasons for this. It does not necessarily mean that he or she has been abused in kindergarten, but it could also be separation anxiety, conflict with children, etc. However, parents must be patient and look for the reasons.

After all, a child's trust in a parent is based on the premise that the parent trusts the child as well.

We always have to be on one end of the spectrum with our children and let them know that mom and dad will love them no matter what. In this way, children can develop good communication and trust with mom and dad.

3.We must do everything we can to protect our children.

Kindergartens have low barriers to entry, kindergarten teachers' qualifications are uneven, the industry has a lot of chaos, and the system is not perfect ......

These people, should be held accountable for their crimes. But Mama Lilac doesn't want to represent the law against these scumbags.

Justice will not be absent, but perhaps it will be late.

However, children only grow up once.

We can't wait for an immediate sea change, but we mustn't let our children be the next victims either.

The world is as difficult and chaotic as it can be, and we have to do everything we can to protect them, even if we have to break our bones and heads for them.

We are our children's parents, the ones they trust the most. So we can't afford to lose.

Author / Clove Mom

I didn't want to write about these things, but I've seen too many incidents of child abuse lately! The kindergarten with all its tricks! I can't stand it anymore, remembering the nightmare that has gripped me for years! There are some things that don't happen just because you want to forget them.

I'm also the mom of a child who was abused back in the day, and how my younger self acted at the time after that incident occurred:

1, Shivering and unable to speak.

2, Afraid of the dark, countless nightmares

3, Too timid to speak.

4, Hate men.

5, absent-minded

I am shivering on this cold Thanksgiving night, recalling an experience from my own childhood, and may the children of the world, have no nightmares and no fear! May my daughter be free of innocence and kindness!

The nightmare of my life.

On a late fall evening, on the street where I played daily, a big hand pulled me in a deadly grip, and he said to me, "Don't be afraid, Uncle is holding you!"

It was a deep alley with no streetlights, and I was surrounded by the darkness of the night, terrified, and even more terrified of the silent man in front of me who was gripping me hard but couldn't see...

I didn't dare to speak nor could I speak, my throat felt like it was choked, I regretted it, I didn't want to help this adult! He must have lied to me! I want to run back, just run out of this dark alley, the street is full of my neighbors, surely someone will come to my rescue, I want to go home, I want to meet someone I can turn to ....

Just five minutes ago, this white-skinned man walked to the front of our yard and pleaded with our three overgrown children, he spoke very kindly and helplessly, "Children, can you do a favor for uncle?" We were no strangers to this uncle, every morning before we went to school, we would go to a noodle shop together to have breakfast, this uncle I recognized as the master who cooked the noodles there, skinny and white! We were curious and asked him, "What can we do for you?" The uncle continued to describe to us: "Uncle's key is locked in the house, you can get it through the window, but uncle's hand is too big to reach in, you small hands can help me get it?" We were a bit skeptical and asked him, "Why don't you try with a stick or something else?" He said, "I've tried, and I've asked several people to help me, but I can't get it, so I need a child to help me try again."

The three of us started to keep quiet and began to think...

Squatting on the ground, and discussed some, I am a little older than both of them just started first grade, plus this uncle we all know, he kept asking for our help: "Just in front of the alley not far, just a few minutes..." The uncle seemed to see that I wanted to help him, and said, "I know you guys, so I have the honor to ask for your help! You're the daughter of the store next to me, why don't I talk to your father?"

Inside the three kids, I used my older experience to judge, "This uncle needs help, we all know each other, he's definitely not a bad guy, and he's close! And he's going to talk to my dad!"

With that, I agreed to go with him to check it out, and followed him as he was led into the dark alley...

Regret was no longer useful! I realized I couldn't run away, I didn't dare to speak, I was incredibly nervous and clenched my fists! At the end of the alley, there was a long staircase to the left! From the time I entered the alley to the time I walked up the stairs, my uncle was terribly quiet! And also almost squeezed my hand congested with blood! My hand was a little numb! I spoke up, "Uncle, my hand is hurting from your squeezing! Are we there yet?" He let go of my hand and said to me in a low voice, "Just go up the stairs!" Suddenly turning around and pulling me to follow him up the stairs again, there was only one house at the end of this long staircase, and I will always remember this door! A dark green, thick and sturdy door! He naturally took me by the hand and pulled out the key and unlocked the door, and I was terrified, "Isn't it impossible to open the door?" He continued, "It's the door on the inside!" That's when the door opened!

"Ahhhh ----!!!" I suddenly screamed at the top of my lungs, startling him

Inside there is a dog barking furiously, in front of me is a mess I've never seen before, a bed in the middle, surrounded by men's and women's shoes and clothes bottles and cans scattered all over the place, against the wall of a broken sofa, above all the injected syringes ......

He pulled me in, and as soon as he pressed me on the couch, he told me to sit down! I popped up and backed away from the doorway, I pointed to the dog and said in fear, "I'm afraid of dog bites!" The white poodle came at me with a fierce look on his face, and he rushed to hold the dog closed!

I couldn't think fast enough, I subconsciously turned around, opened the door and sprinted out! I forget how I opened that door, maybe a scream and the dog that suddenly ran out made him panic and forget to unlock it! It's too late, I have to run as fast as I can! The man behind him was in a frenzy, yelling, "Don't run! Stop right there! I'll kill you!"

I ran as fast as I could, almost forgetting to catch my breath or my heartbeat! The only word in my head was "run."

I knew that as soon as I ran out of the dark alley and onto the street! I'd be safe!

When I ran out of the dark alley and saw the light of the streetlamp, I cried, I cried all the way and ran wildly, and a neighbor saw me and asked from behind, "Bottle, what's wrong with you?"

I'm afraid to answer afraid to stop! I'm going home!

The bad guy! He almost caught up with me! On the street, and with the neighbors asking! He didn't dare catch me!

I was safe for the moment, not daring to stop or look back! Almost to my store, I stopped a little to look back, this man he ran across the street, with me diagonal angle position, anxious red eyes, viciously glaring at me!

I rushed to speed up my pace and desperately ran into the store to find my dad! I froze! Unable to speak! Tired and scared! Unstoppable tears in my eyes!

Dad was shocked and rushed to sit down with me in his arms...

Can't remember how I spent the rest of it!

Just remember the next day, the guy had run away...

Just remember my mom blaming dad all the time...

I just remember being taken to the hospital every year for the next two or three years for a physical...

I only remember that in those years, my family would ask me "What's your name? What's your home phone number? Where do you live?..."

They're afraid I'll lose my memory...

Because they have heard that there are child traffickers who specialize in injecting children with a kind of amnesia potion!...

I would have preferred to have been injected with an amnesia potion! So that I wouldn't have nightmares! And no fear!

This incident, I once again brought up is probably in high school, the family suffered a burglary, that time only my sister at home, fortunately, my sister unlocked the door completely unaware of, in the morning, the burglars have escaped! In order to comfort my sister, I gave her a full description of the experience! After I finished speaking, I was shaking and crying, and my sister held me in her arms as I slept. ...... After that, I was slowly able to face the experience with openness and no longer fear. ......

In those years, when landline telephones weren't common enough, drug use was rampant! Robberies, thefts, fights, and gambling were rampant, and the neighborhood we lived in was known locally as Spice Row, where the smell of spices masked the dark stench of decay! The year after that the whole city began a drug crackdown! I also felt great joy for the police arresting addicts on the street, and then later we moved away from that restless place ...... thought society was slowly getting better.

More than twenty years have passed and now I have children of my own. However, has this society become better? Whether people are bad or not has nothing to do with the times, this society is already like this, how much better do you expect it to be? Lu Xun gave up medicine and turned to literature to think that literature could save minds! After all these years, these people think healthy behavior nasty mental rotten life is still good! I believe that many people also harbor in their hearts the same disgusting experiences that I have encountered! What else can we do but hate them? Deeply aware of the malice of this society! I would rather have my own children covered in thorns and not good or evil! I don't need to go through my fear...

People, not as perfect as you think! Nor do they need to be perfect for anyone! Just as the kind-hearted me would curse this bad man as well as all other bad men to die a horrible death! If the world is indifferent, whose sorrow will it be?

A Divided Line of Gratitude ------------------------------- --------

Thank you for your concern, I'm over it, I'm telling it because I want more people to know about it, may we all stay out of danger and our children be happy and healthy

Honestly, Happy Dad, as a father of a child, was concerned about the child abuse.

Some time ago, when I was playing with Happy in a role-playing situation, I learned that a child had hit him, and there was also a time when Happy talked during dinner, and then he was pushed by the teacher to stand outside the classroom door, and he was not allowed to eat or go to bed. Although the child is still young and can not believe everything he says, but there must be a reason, from every kindergarten activities can see the clues.

As parents, we recognize the work of teachers and we support them. But this does not mean that the excessive behavior of teachers can be tolerated. For a child, a moment's abuse may stay with him for the rest of his life, the effects are great, and they are hard to erase.

So what are the signs that a child is being abused

Happy Dad had a large text in his collection, a teacher's manual issued by Tochigi City in the Kanto region of Japan, which listed the signs to watch out for, and if a child had any of these signs, there was a good chance that he or she was being abused.

The child subconsciously holds his/her head whenever the teacher raises his/her hand while writing on the board; the child is scared and does not move when the teacher gives him/her a slight warning; the child eats school meals with hunger; the child develops sexually related words and strange behaviors; he/she speaks like an adult; he/she prefers to solve problems with violence; he/she prefers to attract the attention of other people by using strange behaviors; he/she repeatedly displays problematic behaviors such as skipping classes, being late for class and absent from school, stealing, and loitering; he/she doesn't love to go home after school; sudden drop in learning ability, slow reaction time, animal cruelty, forgetfulness; extreme poverty of emotional expression; easy to get angry and sudden panic attacks.

Children themselves are seldom able to speak directly to their mothers and fathers, and it still takes careful questioning and observation by mothers and fathers to know if a child is being abused.

What to do when you find out your child is being abused

First and foremost, never spare a child from being abused, whether by someone outside or inside the school.Even after being abused by your child, a basic apology is in order. The approach should be tough and let the child know that mom and dad are firmly on the same page with him in this matter and will not let anyone bully their baby.

Secondly, de-escalate the child to minimize the effects of this abuse.Don't get all fixated on this all the time, it's just a lesson that teaches us what to do next and how we should deal with it if something like this happens again.

Finally, teach your child how to face it.After all, society is very complicated, there are all kinds of people, mom and dad can not always protect the baby to the end, many situations still need the baby to deal with their own way to choose. Can enhance their own strength, can turn to teachers, can turn to mom and dad. Either way is much better than suppressing it within yourself.

While writing this Q&A, Happy Dad always felt a surge of anger in his chest, maybe there are some words in the language, but the meaning is right, the opinion is firm, and the feeling of not letting go of everyone who abuses children is certain!

A 12-year-old girl was defiled by a thug, but the girl's mother taught me how to protect my children by bringing the thug to justice in a textbook way.

Lucy Dixon, pregnant with her seventh child, is happily on the phone with her sister from her own home in Los Angeles. Her two youngest children, Mary, 4, and John, 2, are playing at her feet.

Lucy's 12-year-old daughter, Susie, called her father at school after school after he promised to pick her up.

But no one answered the phone in his office, and Susie guessed that she must have dialed the wrong number, so she decided to walk home herself.

At a nearby turn in a small secluded park, a man stood long an elm tree to greet Susie. He called out, "Tracy, Tracy."

"My name's not Tracy." She said, "My name is Susie." The man approached her and said, "It doesn't matter what your name is, Susie, I have a gun on me and I want you to come with me."

He forced her into his car and drove it down an alley. He ordered her to undress and close her eyes, and then raped her. The man then let her out of the car and drove away.

Susie was numb with horror. She walked to a super market and told the shopkeepers what had happened to her. They immediately called the police. It was February 10, 1982, that day.

It was the day that made the Dixon family's lives change - the day they began their hunt for the outlaws.

After being examined at the hospital, Susie immediately ran to her sister's bedroom as soon as she got home.

Laura, 19, Barbie, 17, and Jill, 15, all hugged and cried with her, and their mothers wept with sadness. That night, Susie repeated what she had told the police.

The man's car was brown and shaped like a box, it had leaning handles that sloped upward, cloth-covered seats, and an automatic gearshift lever.

The man who raped her was wearing a brown top with brown patches on the elbows and black pants. A police sketch artist drew the face of the assailant from Suz's description.

But there are a thousand men who look like that. And to find that one among the millions of men in Southern California is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

"Our friends have advised us to put this behind us." Lucy said, "But we had to find the man who raped our daughter."

That weekend, Lucy and her husband, Frank Dixon, drove Susie to every place that sold cars. She perused car after car while the couple pretended to casually browse.

At one of the car stores, they heard Susie call out from the old car department, "That's it! That's it!" It was a Regal, not the right color, but it was shaped like a box, angled upward by the hand, with an automatic gearshift lever.

Susie remembers that the car's seats were covered with cloth, and the salesman told them that only the 1980 to 1981 cars had cloth-covered seats. On Monday afternoon, Lucy drove to the park where Susie had been assaulted.

She sat in the car until dusk, thinking that perhaps the thug would return to his place of violence. Soon this surveillance became part of Lucy's daily life, and her daughters, including Susie, often accompanied her.

Every time they find a brown Regal car, they will immediately follow it, and if the person driving it looks like the gangster, they will copy down the license plate number.

At the LAPD, Detective Ivins entered the license plate numbers they had copied down into the state's computer check and then showed Susie the photos of dozens of driver's license holders.

None of them, however, resembled the thug. The entire Dixon family expanded their search.

Lucy got up before dawn every day, then carried little John and Mary to the car and drove to the entrance ramp of a highway to watch for passing cars.

Every night, the family compares their gains with each other. Lucy said, "The area I had to watch was so large that I felt like an ant. But I didn't say to myself, 'Forget it, ma'am.' I just switched to one place at a time."

One day, when Susie came home from school, she walked silently into her white room and sat on the floor in the laundry room. Lucy found her shivering there.

It turned out that Susie's friend had told her that the search would only be in vain, which had diminished her confidence. Lucy put her arm around her daughter:

"Look into my eyes, he has destroyed your body, but we must not let him destroy your mind. We must not let him destroy us!"

A few months later, Lucy began placing one daughter on the highway's entrance ramp for surveillance during the heaviest traffic hours in the morning, and the other daughter on the exit ramp at dusk.

Each girl brought paper and pen. Lucy herself, on the other hand, kept an eye out for everyone she thought was suspicious.

She observes every man in line at the grocery store and scrutinizes every salesperson at the mall.

Five months after they searched, another girl was taken from the same park where Susie had been held hostage by a man whose appearance matched what Susie had recounted.

So Lucy made sure to go to that park every day from then on, and the plainclothes detectives nodded at her as they passed her, and they all knew what she was doing there.

The summer heat that year was unbearable. Pregnant Lucy spent her days strapping her two young children into the backseat of her car with seatbelts and driving to the park, sweating and spying.

Some of the older daughters initially thought that the chase must be full of excitement. They all called their mother Sherlock Holmes and were proud of her determination.

But at this point, they both decided it was no fun to sit in the sun and copy license plates. One night, Susie and her friend were rollerblading when she suddenly lost control of her emotions.

"I had a sudden horrible feeling of coldness all over my body." She said to Lucy, "I saw his face.' In fact it was a sudden reenactment of the scene in her head.

She has been like this many times. So Lucy accompanies her to a psychiatric hospital for treatment. Detective Evans became Susie's counselor. She often called him for the sole purpose of talking to him.

"At that point, she found it extremely difficult to cope with what was happening." Ivins recalled. He added that the search for the thug was a way for Suz and her family to vent their anger.

"That's good therapy. And we need people to help apprehend the thugs." River Dick said, "If we don't pursue this, then another person will suffer. We think that person should be thrown out of the community."

Another school year began. That's when the Dixon family's seventh child was born. One night Lucy felt like she was having a sudden heart attack. Dixon rushed her to the hospital, but fortunately it was only a false alarm.

The doctor blamed it on the stress, but Lucy blamed it on the thug. She was sleeping only five hours a night then.

It's been a year since the rape, and the Dixon family is starting to fret. Had the man sold his car? Has he moved elsewhere? Lucy's greatest fear is that he's dead and he'll never know it.

The search went on week after week. Susie's sisters were getting more and more annoyed because their mother and Susie were leaving the children in their care in the afternoons too many times in pursuit of the outlaw.

It wasn't that Ruth was unaware of these circumstances, but she felt completely powerless to stop them.

She said, "I'm not the same mother I used to be, and while I still cook for them, I don't talk to them as much as I used to."

On the other hand, the police department's file on Susie was getting thicker and thicker with license plate numbers of cars provided by Dixon's family, the police, and even Detective Ivins' wife.

Susie had looked at over a hundred avatars, but none of them looked like the thug.

Then, one day in early April 1984, Lucy went to the elementary school to pick up little Mary from school, and as mother and daughter crossed the street, arm in arm, a brown 1980 Volvo slowly drove by in front of them.

Lucy saw a brown top draped over the front seat. Lucy rushed to get her daughter in the car and then drove after the Regal. The man turned the car around in a U-turn and Lucy followed.

"He turned out to be surveying that school, ready to strike." Lucy thought. He made the car do two more U-turns.

Lucy excitedly searched her coat pocket for a pen to write down the license plate number, but there was no pen in her coat pocket. She panicked. "Mary, memorize this number!"

She yelled, then read the license plate number. The car made another U-turn and drove off. Lucy immediately rushed home to call the police station to report the incident, and then she decided to drive the car to school again.

As she backed her car out of her driveway, she saw the brown Regal approaching her. She glanced again at its license plate. Oops, she'd gotten the number wrong!

She immediately pulled an envelope from her coat pocket and carved the number into it with her fingernail. Lucy went home and called the police station again. The police department immediately notified all the offices.

That night, the Dixons began to wait for news. A week passed in a flash. Then one night the phone rang. It was Detective Evans.

After 26 months and two days of searching, the man driving that brown Regal is finally behind bars.

A 33-year-old sales clerk in Panorama Townshiphas been indicted by police on thirty-three felony counts, including one count of rape, against Susie and five other girls between the ages of 11 and 15.

After taking the call from Evans, Lucy wrapped her arms around her daughters and they all cried. Later that night, Susie kissed her mother and said:

"Holmes, you finally solved the case! Thank you, by God. Thank you Detective Evans! Thank you, Holmes!"

Both Susie and her mother testified at the trial before the court in 1985. In the end, the defendant was sentenced to the maximum penalty: 44 years in state prison.

The determination that drove Lucy and her daughter's nightmare has finally come to an end. Susie is now a gorgeous 17-year-old and closer to her mother than ever before.

Lucy has also begun to make amends for her relationship with her other daughters. She said: "We have smiles again now."

Mother and daughter Lucy and Susie tell us from personal experience:

What are the characteristics of a child who has been abused outside the home?

The flesh will show signs of abuse.

Mental trance.

Emotionally strained.

What should parents do when they find out?

The abuser must be brought to justice, despite the difficulties and obstacles, even if it takes a lot of time and effort.

Finally, I would like to say: children are flowers, parents need to teach him enough knowledge and methods of self-protection, but once suffered unlawful aggression, parents in the correct guidance, comfort the child, to the child to see the doctor to treat the injuries at the same time, resolutely and the evil forces to fight to the end, is the greatest relief to the child suffered injury.

If the abuser is not given the harshest punishment, the next one to suffer may not be just a particular child.

Evil is not good, and crime will be judged by the law!

Author Zheng Yuanjie also once removed his granddaughter from aTuition is 200,000 yuan.of kindergarten withdrawals. The reasons are as follows:

First, I found that my granddaughter often did not drink a sip of water throughout the day, did not go to the toilet once, and had a high fever four times in three months

Later the family communicated that the foreign classroom teacher at their granddaughter's kindergarten was incompetent, and they felt uneasy about handing their children over to such a teacher, so they didn't even want to pay the tuition fees, and simply withdrew from the kindergarten.

Summary:Children appear not in line with their age habits (such as holding urine for a long time, become silent, become inactive), sudden and frequent illness, parents must immediately pay attention to, children's ability to express most of the poor, you ask him he can not say, but the physical condition does not lie.

Second, Zheng Yuanjie had also installed a recording device on his son, and after listening to the recording, he also gave his son to withdraw from the park.

I think in these times of crisis of trust, this method is also really helpless, but it does work. Unsure moms and dads can refer to it.

Summary:Kids can't express themselves, so let's find a faithful recorder (tape recorder, invisible camera) to follow our child's day.

Children may be small, but whenever something happens, it's not trivial.

Third, appropriate to the children to see some prevention of sexual assault, to protect their own picture books, small books

Booklist:

• "Where did you come from, my friend?
  

• "Pimpernel sends you a hundred lives.
  

• Pimpernel and the 66 Deadly Sins

These are by Zheng Yuanjie.

One final thought:

Many parents feel that it is too early to talk to their children about sexual assault, danger, bad guys, crime, etc. They feel that it is not good for their children to be exposed to these things too early, and even when many children are in elementary school, their understanding of bad guys is still stuck in the stage of "bad guys = big bad wolf".

For this mentality, I think, it's still the same thing:

You think it's too early for safety education, but the perverts out there won't mind that your kids are still young.

Child abuse has taken on many forms in recent years.Make anger impotent!

Guangdong female teacher grabs student by hair and drags her

Yunnan kindergarten teacher drops boy in flight

Henan kindergarten teacher slaps boy

Shanghai XX Parent-Child Park Child Abuse

Hebei kindergarten teacher stabs toddler with toothpick

Child abuse incidents have been exposed again and again, society has made waves again and again, the media has spoken out again and again, and it is gratifying to know that the abuse has been stopped in time, the abusers have been punished, and the abused children are no longer harmed....... But, does it really come to an end?

Who can continue to help those abused children and heartbroken parents with proper psychological counseling, bring them out of the shadow of abuse and heal the wounds in their hearts?

How do you, as an adult and as a parent, keenly detect signs of abuse in the children around you? What are the effective channels to seek help and stop the evil in the first place?

How can we really prevent the recurrence of such child abuse incidents from the source? Is it safe to let children play and learn in kindergartens, schools, early childhood education institutions and other "invisible places" for parents?

Now.It's not too late to learn this!

"Some people are sick and vulnerable mentally and they like to hurt people. But the truth is, they are really scared. If you guys don't like the way they touch you, you have to say no. ...... It's never too late to say no, and even if someone has already done something bad to you, or is doing something bad, you can even start saying no now."

--American Sexual Assault Prevention Video

How to tell if a child is being abused

A teacher's manual issued by Tochigi City in Japan's Kanto region lists signs of child abuse to look out for:

1. As soon as the teacher raises his hand while writing the board, the child subconsciously holds his head;

2. The teacher gives a slight warning and the child is scared to death;

3. Children are hungry for school meals;

4. The child exhibits sex-related speech and bizarre behavior;

5. Talk like an adult;

6. Prefer to solve problems with violence;

7. Likes to attract the attention of others with bizarre behaviors;

8. Repeated truancy, tardiness and absenteeism, petty theft, loitering, and other problematic behaviors;

9. Doesn't like to go home after school;

10. Plummeting learning ability, unresponsiveness, animal cruelty, forgetfulness;

11. Extreme poverty of emotional expression;

12. Easily irritated and suddenly thrown into panic, etc.

From the description of the parents in the recent "Three Colors" child abuse incident, it is not difficult to find out that parents' careful observation and communication with their children are especially crucial, and parents must be patient and ask questions. The baby's response is usually fragmentary. Parents should learn how to guide the baby to reproduce the scene and find out the details that need to be emphasized, as the mother did. As the mom did, letting the child play the role of the teacher and the father play him, step by step, let the child reproduce the scene.

Parents should not ignore the usual self-protection awareness of the child's training and education, learn to judge, learn to resist correctly.

Preserve evidence and seek legal assistance in a timely manner

Once a child is found to have been abused, go to the school or kindergarten in a timely manner to retrieve the surveillance video. At the same time, you can also contact other parents to find out whether other children have been abused, take photographs of the child's injuries for evidence, keep medical records, and promptly report the case to the public security authorities, who will investigate the situation.

Article 260-1 of the Criminal Law of China stipulates that if a person who is responsible for the guardianship or care of a minor, an elderly person, a sick person or a person with a disability abuses the person under his guardianship or care, and if the circumstances are aggravated, the person shall be sentenced to fixed-term imprisonment of not more than three years or to criminal detention.

In addition, in the event of child abuse, it is important to intervene early in the child's traumatization (Youth Legal and Psychological Counseling Service Hotline of the Central Committee of the Youth League: 12355).

Hi, I'm the chief childcare consultant of King of Children, holding a national senior childcare qualification certificate. There are nearly 5,000 childcare consultants like me in King of Children to provide baby touch, maternal breastfeeding, baby haircutting, nutritional guidance, maternal and child care, growth and cultivation and other services for mothers and mothers, so as to make being a mother simpler!

Children in the small time more than 3 years old to kindergarten, half a month is not yet adapted to a very well-behaved child, a send to hold the thighs, and later in the child's intermittent description of the kindergarten teacher because the child always go to the bathroom to beat the child to find the teacher chatted with the child to come back to the neck and broken, I led the child home to stay for a week, change the kindergarten child very much like new kindergartens in the old kindergarten school time, I went to I looked for the director also asked the child's original classroom children said teacher Zhang hit the hand, the director let me look at the monitor, I said there is a blind spot without having to look at the director said how to solve the problem, I told him to see the doctor I have the money yourself, you shouted down the teacher Zhang, do not admit that, directly in front of the child, let me go up to the kick, or finally apologized to the child, because I have to let the child know that your mother is able to protect you, and now the child is 9 years old. Very warm hearted child, I hit the teacher after hugging his daughter, she childishly said, finally out of anger

Yesterday afternoon on the train, I was reading the news, the incident of the three-color kindergarten, watching the video interview with the mother of the victimized child, and crying while I watched it, and I couldn't stop long after I closed the video.

After becoming a mother, I become sensitive to any news related to children and can't help but wonder what would have happened if it was my daughter and then burst into tears.

It's just that this time, I'm doubly vicarious, so the meltdown will be a little stronger.

Today I'm going to talk about my thoughts from the perspective of a sexual assault victim.

Childhood, about five or six years old, I went to a child's home to play, not really familiar with a younger brother, nap time, the other children fell asleep, I lay awake, by the children's father with a finger into the underwear, sexual assault quite a long time, I was stunned, but do not understand what is going on, did not dare to scream, able to get out of it quickly ran home, no one dared to say. The guy was a college teacher.

As a teenager, probably 13 or 14, I was on a bus, very crowded, and got my hand down my pants by a guy behind me, which I couldn't get rid of; fortunately, I soon reached my stop, and I squeezed off the bus as hard as I could to make sure no one was following me before I went home.

As a teenager, about seventeen years old, I was sitting by myself in a gazebo reading a book in a less crowded park when a man with a long knife put the knife to his neck, cornered me in a corner, and pulled down my pants. But he was a sexual impotent, and even with his pants down, he was still not erect. He was so angry that he punched me and slammed my head against the wall. And I suddenly developed a nameless calmness at that time, and discussed with him: if he walked away now, no one would know; if he killed me now, the park would soon find the body and report it to the police, and he would surely be caught. I don't know whether it was my words that worked, or whether he had not dared to kill in the first place, but in any case it was he who put up his pants and fled.

Overall, of all the instances of sexual assault, mine have not been the worst, except for the one in my childhood, and every time I have gotten out of it in the nick of time. But even then, all of these incidents still leave me with an endless psychological shadow.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always had a hard time accepting physical contact with anyone, and I would bounce away like a scared bird when I touched the slightest bit. From middle school onwards, to every boy who chased me, always in the two people just started to have some physical contact when the breakup, some boys may still do not know why was broken up. I couldn't handle being touched, and the thought of intimacy brought nothing but thunderous fear to my mind. And even after I got married I still had the fear, so much so that I couldn't even have a normal period.

Sex has only one irresistible image in my mind: the claws that reach out in the dark.

All of this, I never dared to say, since childhood, pressed in my heart for more than twenty years.

It wasn't until I was about to become a mom that I felt I really couldn't fight it anymore and was ready to break the ice on my heart. I first talked to a friend who is a counseling student, and then I got up the courage to tell my husband and my mother successively around the time when my daughter was almost one year old.

The arrival of my daughter was an inner salvation for me. For almost a decade or so before she came into the world, I was closed and resistant to the whole world; I kept to myself and didn't really open my heart to anyone. I just wanted to hide from whatever the world had to offer. But the arrival of my daughter made me feel, for the first time, that there was a tiny being for me to protect, and she was so small and so dependent on being in my arms, that I needed to be braver in order to really hold up the umbrella.

I've really gotten brave.

Let me speak from a perspective of someone who has been there and why many times kids are afraid to talk about such things.

The reason is simple: the child doesn't know what the consequences will be when he or she speaks up.

From a very young age, children begin to gauge in their minds what the reaction of others will be when they say a word. We often laugh at children as young as one year old who are able to "see what others are going to do" because they are already able to gauge the reactions of others at that time. When they encounter a disaster, the reason why children hide it is because they are worried that they will encounter a second disaster if they tell the truth.

Why would you worry about speaking up and encountering a secondary calamity?

Firstly, it is because they cannot tell the truth for fear of being suspected. There are many bad things that children themselves do not understand, so how can they recount them clearly? In addition, many of the details are too scary at the time and they do not remember anything. If they tell the story, they are bound to be questioned by many people, and if they cannot answer, they will be suspected of lying. Being suspected of lying is a second disaster that is more painful than a disaster for a child. In order not to suffer that kind of shock.

Second, it's because of the fear of going to confrontation. When something terrible happens, once it is said, it is an accusation. This is followed by the terrifying prospect of a face-to-face confrontation with the perpetrator. For small children, the mere thought of confrontation can be so frightening that they would rather hide themselves to avoid it. The aggressor is more likely to be more articulate and self-defensive than the child, and in a confrontation, the child is likely to lose, which is also a form of secondary victimization.

Third, it's because of the fear of making a big deal out of it. By the age of five or six, children are able to gauge how their parents will react. There are many times when a child is afraid that his or her parent will do something drastic in a fit of anger. The child cannot gauge what the consequences of a parent's rage will be. If the evil person is not brought down and the parent suffers as a result of the conflict, the child will say in his heart for the rest of his life that it is all my fault. In addition, the child is afraid of retaliation if he or she makes a scene.

Fourthly, it is because of the difficulty of facing what is said around them. When something bad happens, especially something shameful, the child is most fearful of the publicity that surrounds him. 啧啧啧，哎哟哟，瞧瞧，围观群众的声浪越剧烈，孩子心里的耻辱感越强。 Being pitied is like having a wound opened up and letting someone rub salt into it; it is the worst of all pains. The child is also afraid of being stigmatized.

Fifthly, it is because of the fear of a long-lasting stigma that cannot be erased. If the whole world knows about an incident, it is like a brand engraved on the face that cannot be erased for the rest of one's life. Children who have survived, especially those who have been sexually abused, want more than anything to be able to live their lives as normal human beings, not to have the stigma of sexual abuse etched on their faces for the rest of their lives. The storm quickly receded and the crowd went their separate ways, only the person in question couldn't get rid of the stigma.

All of this is something that those around the child may not expect. When a parent or onlooker first hears about a sexual assault, they must be shocked, angry, and want to take action. What usually comes to mind at this time is 1) getting to the root of the problem, 2) drawing attention to it, 3) directly seeking revenge, and 4) legal punishment. However, they often do not think that these paths need to be handled very carefully, if not handled well, it is possible that the child will face a dilemma, and even suffer from secondary internal trauma.

So what should we, as parents, do if we want our children to better protect themselves and to be able to tell us when they encounter similar incidents?

First, tell your child from a very young age that butts, both front and back, are never to be touched by outsiders, and that if someone pulls down your pants, touches your butt, or does anything else, it's a bad person, and that it's important to say no out loud, get out of the way, or find someone else to ask for help.

Second, give your child a piece of your mind ahead of time. If it does happen, don't be afraid, go home and tell mom and dad. It's okay if it does happen, it's not your fault, it's the bad guy's fault, tell mom and dad and we won't blame you.

Thirdly, don't let girls go to relatives' or friends' houses alone when they are small. Childhood sexual abuse, most often occurs between acquaintances, you never know those uncles and uncles, which one is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

In fact, after the disaster, the child's shocked heart, the most want to hear is just three words: it's okay. Parents need to repeat a hundred times: it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. It's not your fault, you can still live a good life later. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

After you have stabilized your child, ask him or her seriously if it is okay to talk about it. Sometimes it is not the best protection for your child to tweet in anger. A child's greatest fear may be exposure, and even if he or she wants to seek help, he or she can find a way to do so off the record.

Then, in seeking revenge or a just solution, the parents need to be calm and wise and strive to hit the nail on the head. In this case, the parents concerned first found other parents privately to look for evidence, and many people had photos, videos and testimonies to corroborate with each other, and the police were called collectively before a serious investigation was conducted. If it is not such a rigorous preparation, but the slightest breeze on the publicity, may be countered by the evil person bites back. Many evil-doers are powerful and it is too easy for them to backfire.

Finally, real protection for children must follow. It is not just about tracking down, questioning, fighting back or stirring up public opinion, but most importantly, it is about being able to have tangible ways of isolating the child from the evil-doer. When in doubt, even if the evidence is not conclusive, it is important to keep the child out of the evil person's reach. Changing schools, moving, and more close protection keep the child from being exposed to danger again and keep the evil person from having the opportunity to retaliate.

Overall, why is child sexual abuse so prevalent in all corners of the world and so difficult to eradicate? According to U.S. statistics, about 1/4 girls have experienced sexual harassment of varying degrees when they were young. There are no wide-scale statistics in China, but feedback from around us shows that there are not many such things at all.

Apart from the fact that in many cases the crime is committed by acquaintances, which is difficult to prevent, another big reason is that it is too difficult to criminalize the sexual abuse of young children, which gives too many people an opportunity to take advantage of the situation. The main reason why there is no corresponding penal standard in our laws is that children are unable to tell the truth, and what they say is inconsistent, has wrong information and adds some inaccurate information. Child victims also often have difficulty with their lawyers and break down emotionally. As a result, the child's statement is often inadmissible, giving the evildoer the opportunity to present a justifiable rebuttal in court. This makes sense in terms of legal rigor alone, but the stark difference in the strengths and weaknesses of the opposing sides makes such trials inherently unfair. An unfair trial cannot lead to a just result.

While we need to call for reform of the law, for more people to join the legal aid for children, and for more camera equipment so that evidence can be readily available, in general, we have to be prepared for a long way to go in hoping that the law will be used to punish all the evildoers.

There are two more important societal reasons.

One reason: authority. As with the suspects in this case, the teacher and the director of the school, a lot of child sexual abuse happens to male authority figures. Priest-bishops in the West are often the biggest perpetrators of child sexual abuse scandals, simply because of their unquestioned position of authority. The country also often hears of scandals involving elementary school principals and teachers.

The "directors" are the people who hold the power in the world and their words must be obeyed, so many children are abused for long periods of time without daring to disobey and without daring to speak out. "They are tall, physically powerful, and in a position of power from which there is no escape. They often have such a glittering image to the outside world that many people are reluctant to believe the child when they are accused. They also often have so many interlocking accomplices and patronage that the matter is suppressed at every level.

The most heartless thing about this incident is that the other teachers in the kindergarten are cooperating in doing evil, and there may even be forces behind them. This makes a single person's evil become systematic evil, and the greatest consequence is that children will doubt themselves, not believing that the whole world is wrong, and can only believe that it is they who are wrong, and finally fall into the plaything of the system.

The second reason: public opinion. Our country is not yet a modernized nation in many cases, as evidenced by the public's prevailing sexual attitudes.

It is said that in ancient China it was "laughing at the poor but not at the prostitutes", but in fact it was more fundamentally "laughing at the prostitutes but not at the prostitutes". There was still a medieval conservative bias against female chastity, while at the same time there was an intolerant leniency towards male sexual behavior. Public opinion is often unsympathetic to victims. When hearing that a woman had been raped, "A fly doesn't bite a seamless egg, why is she raped when others are fine? It must be because it was too flirtatious." When one hears that a man sexually harassed another woman, especially a man in a position of power, public opinion turns to "it's just a little bit of indiscretion in his personal life, but it happens all the time, and no one knows if it's true or not", and usually the accusation of sexual harassment does not affect the status of the man.

As a result, in the shelter of social relations and public opinion, how many "gardeners" with dirty behaviors and dark hearts have been tolerated, pampered, and cooperated to extend their hands to the defenseless girls?

What I would love to say to all the moms and dads out there is that if you have daughters, think about how you would feel if your soft little daughter in your arms was being fingered by a certain clothed animal and getting away with it. I hope we can all join hands and have zero tolerance for such things in our lives, at least. Even if the law can't deal with them for a while, we can at least have zero tolerance for them in our own workplaces and lives, and if we hear about it, fire them from their jobs or cut them off. We also need to be more assertive in public opinion. Often, for an abused child, simply saying that the abuse is not the fault of the abuser is already the greatest comfort.

Wanting to protect our own daughters requires us to work harder. It is not enough to protect our own daughters. If moms and dads can't support each other, how can they keep their daughters safe in this world if the "gardeners" are united in a network of support? Mothers and fathers all over the world can't fight together, let alone if we don't communicate with each other, and we all just hunker down in our own corners.

I don't know how long this post will survive, but these words are still meant to be said, and a moment of survival is a moment.

When I first wanted to do public welfare, the first thing I wanted to do was to protect girls who had been sexually abused. Later on, I found that it was too difficult to do anything in this area, and it was impossible to do anything without sufficient legal support, financial support and psychological support. I know that there are some organizations doing such things, and it is a very difficult but valuable effort.

I once saw the Korean movie "Hope" and cried until I broke down. It was just as hard to hold myself together when I heard the news this time. I totally understand that fear that goes deep into your bones: you don't understand what's going on, but you feel like there's no way out.

I want to be with children who are damaged and hurt. There is very, very little I can do, and I don't know what I can do in the future, but I know it's what I want to do in this life.

I got a little emotional last night at a lecture at Tsinghua and didn't have control over my emotions. I read aloud my favorite Albert. Camus's essay "The World is Our First and Last Love". I'll put a few paragraphs of it at the end of this article. If you want to read the full text, you can search for it online. This article has been the most important force of faith in my life.

"After this, children will always die unjustly, even in a perfect society. With all one's might, one can only manage to minimize the suffering of the world in an arithmetical progression. But injustice and suffering will continue, albeit limited, and they will continue to be a scandal. Karamazov's "why" will continue to echo. Art and rebellion will only die with the last man on earth. "

"Suffering erodes hope and faith, and it is therefore lonely and unexplained. The laboring community of suffering and death is a community without God. Our place is henceforth on their side, far from the old and new holy teachers."

"At the high noon of thought, the rebels reject the gods in order to take up a common struggle and destiny. We will choose Itak, the faithful land, the brave and simple mind, the clear action and the generous generosity of those who know what is right. In the light, the world is always our first and last love. Our brethren breathe under the same sky as we do, and justice is alive and well. Thus the strange joy of helping to live and die arises, and henceforth we refuse to push it beyond. In the land of pain it is the tireless poisonous wheatgrass, the bitter food, the cold winds blowing from the sea, the old and fresh dawn."

That's what I believe.

Dr. Springer to answer that question.

In recent years, there have been a lot of incidents of young children's safety, which make parents fearful. The means of threatening the physical and mental health of children, in addition to scolding and sexual abuse, there is another very insidious one, that is, feeding sleeping pills. In addition to kindergarten teachers will feed sleeping pills to children, a previous news also exposed the nursing nanny to feed sleeping pills to children.

What are the dangers of ingesting sleeping pills in young children? How can parents be the first to find out if their young child has been fed sleeping pills? Let's first understand what sleeping pills are.

Sleeping pills are sedative-hypnotics.

What we often refer to as sleeping pills is actually a collective term for a variety of sedative-hypnotic drugs, which as the name suggests are medications that help us to increase the amount of time we spend sleeping and improve the quality of our sleep.

Any drug that can mildly inhibit the central nervous system, so that the mental state from excitement, agitation and restlessness to quiet is known as sedative; any drug that can cause similar physiological sleep is known as hypnotic drugs. Sedative and hypnotic drugs do not have obvious boundaries, the same drug in small doses for the performance of sedative effect, with the increase in the dose of hypnotic effect can occur, so they can be used to help sleep.

What are the dangers of being fed sleeping pills to your child?

As we have described earlier, there are actually many types of sleeping pills. With different types of drugs, the pharmacokinetics are different, and they bring different hazards.

• BZBAs class has adverse effects on the central nervous system
  

The more widely used prescription sedative-hypnotics are BZBAs, including traditional benzodiazepines and newer non-benzodiazepines.

Traditional benzodiazepines include diazepam, triazolam, quazepam, and more than 10 other drugs, and newer non-benzodiazepines include zopiclone, zolpidem, and zaleplon, both of which have a depressant effect on the central nervous system.

Benzodiazepines have adverse effects on the nervous system, and the central nervous system of young children is particularly sensitive to benzodiazepines.These drugs are not readily metabolized to inactive products, so CNS depression can be sustained.

The use of these drugs and their metabolites in young children tends to build up and make them drowsy. Infants and young children injected intravenously with diazepam may show abnormal reactions such as upturning of both eyeballs, unconscious laughter and unsteady gait.

• Antihistamines, melatonin do relatively little damage
  

In the United States, the FDA has not approved two prescription benzodiazepines, non-benzodiazepines to treat insomnia in children, children with sleep problems may be under the guidance of a doctor, preferential use of antihistamines (such as benadryl) and melatonin, and are based on the child's actual body weight, the appropriate dose is prescribed, and can not be used on their own without medical advice.

Melatonin and antihistamines can also have drug residues, and their irrational use can cause a decrease in a child's reflexes and attention span. They can also cause adverse reactions such as drowsiness, dizziness, and loss of balance.

How do you know if your child is being fed sleeping pills?

In addition to observing your child for the above symptoms, a child who has been fed sleeping pills may experience the following as a result of being treated in an unusual manner:

1. fearful behavior (nightmares, depression, unusual fears);

2. Trying to escape;

3. Extreme age-inappropriate behavior;

4. Headache or abdominal pain that is not caused by a disease problem;

5. A significant decline in academic performance;

6. Extreme negativity or aggressive behavior;

7. Have an extraordinarily good appetite and steal food;

8. Excessive affectionate behavior or social fears.

Spring Rain needs to remind parents that children who are treated abnormally are often afraid to tell anyone. Parents usually communicate with their children more often to find out how their children are doing at school, and if they suspect that their children are being abused, they should immediately take their children to a pediatrician for a checkup and seek legal help.

References:

1.美国睡眠医学学会，Avoid sleeping pills for children with insomnia

2. Zhang Baoxia. Current status of sedative-hypnotic drug use. Tianjin Pharmacology,2014 (6):67-69.

3. Sleep Disorders Group of the Neurology Section of the Chinese Medical Association . Guidelines for the diagnosis and treatment of insomnia in Chinese adults. Chinese Journal of Neurology,2012 , 45 (7) :534-540

4. Wu Yongpeng, Strategies to cope with the adverse effects of benzodiazepines on the nervous system

5. American Academy of Pediatrics, Parenting Encyclopedia, Child Abuse and Neglect

Text: Da Wang

Title photo credit: China Youth Net

Copyright: This article is the original manuscript of Dr. Chunyu, the copyright belongs to Dr. Chunyu, unauthorized reproduction is prohibited, 授权与合作事宜请联系reading@chunyu.me

Characteristics:

1, like to daze: the child is not as talkative as before, will be easy to daze, slow reaction, immersed in their own thinking, when the child may be struggling whether to tell parents, or in the process of recalling the incident, and even if you call the child's name he may not be able to hear in time.

2, not lively: children used to like to play toys, games or favorite cartoons seem to be unable to interest, behavior is not as lively as in the past, the eyes are not bright, some perverse, and even the child suddenly became well-behaved, need to be careful.

3, sleep will wake up: the child will sleep talking in his sleep, or limbs moving, showing some defense, fear of action, or wake up in the night, can not sleep and so on.

4, parents should be most observant of any child's behavior and language found that the child is not in a good mood, or behavior is not normal to have a vigilant mentality. In addition, we should also carefully observe whether the child's body has injuries, there are no bruises, scars, pinholes and so on.

How to deal with it:

Parents if you find these phenomena, first do not rush to directly interrogate the child wound how what happened, why the daze, you can first from the possible contact with the child to rule out, for example, for the event of teacher abuse, you can ask the child in the school there is no occurrence of any interesting or unhappy things? What did the teacher say today? Which teachers are your favorite and least favorite? Did the teacher praise or criticize anyone? How was the punishment meted out?

There is also to let the child describe the day's experience, steps, such as red and yellow kindergarten to the child to take medicine, injection, of this step, the child does not necessarily know what is medicine, what is the injection, which should be careful to listen to the child to describe, such as the child said to eat a piece of how big a very bitter sugar, it is very difficult to eat, there is a thing stuck in the arm is very painful and so on.

When a suspected case of child abuse is detected, other parents can be asked if there is such a phenomenon. If this is really the case, those who are in a position to do so can observe the school in secret and without alerting the public, so that they can secretly go to the school to observe it and collect some evidence, and then report the school to the police. Otherwise, without concrete evidence, even if you sue, the other party may not recognize it.

Of course, the best thing is to carefully select a school with a degree of professionalism, not just listen to the school publicity and course introduction, and not the more famous and more expensive school is better. The school where the accident happened is not only expensive, but also has a high reputation. To go to the school and ask the parents of the children who are studying there to evaluate the school, and ask other children to evaluate the teachers and the school is the most authentic and reliable.